I’ve been hesitant to write this post, but figured since this is a blog about adoption, it is important to share the peaks and valleys, the joys and the concerns. My goal is to be real with you, my readers.
You see, I love domestic adoption, but a lot of it scares me, because it is such a risk! When adoptive parents are matched with an expectant parent, they have no guarantee that she will actually place the baby for adoption. She can say throughout the entire pregnancy that she is 100% positive that adoption is the best decision and mean it wholeheartedly, but when she holds that little babe, she may realize she was wrong and she has absolutely every right to change her mind!
I would never want to take home a baby that a mom wanted to parent (barring an abusive situation), and I am so incredibly glad that birth moms can change their mind after birth, when reality hits. However, this is where the risk enters. Adoptive parents take a huge risk with every domestic adoption situation they say yes too. They are risking their hearts (emotions) and, often, significant finances (sometimes not even their own, but rather money given by very generous people in support of the adoption). Unfortunately, this means that every time an adoptive parent is presented with a situation, they end up weighing the risk. Don’t get me wrong, it is good to be wise and not let your emotions take over, because scams are out there, but it is so sad to me that at the beginning of every potential match, I find myself looking for red flags that the expectant parents could change their mind, calculating costs to see how much it would set us back financially if the expectant parents decide to parent. I find myself acting like an attorney, asking hundreds of questions trying to determine something that is often not determinable – whether or not they will change their mind. Instead of walking into a situation with trust and love, helping a woman in a tough situation, I walk in with my guard up. I think part of this is because of my legal training – I’ve been trained to look for red flags in every situation. I think it is also in part because I’ve had my heart broken before – a little over two years ago, a birth mom decided to parent a baby that we had fallen in love with and thought was our son. I cried for weeks. No one wants to willingly put themselves out there in a situation where they could very well be hurt. Compound the potential hurt with the fact that we could lose thousands of dollars, delaying a future adoption, and it is downright terrifying!
God keeps reminding me that the greatest rewards are a result of taking the biggest risks. He is reminding me that EVERY adoption situation is a risk and that He took that risk when He adopted us. He is telling me to trust Him and fear not. Just today, I was blessed to read this blog post about doubts and fears by Julie Gumm, entitled “30 Things I Know About Adoption: You’ll Think You’re Crazy.” In it, she says
But God asks his followers to do some CRAZY [risky] things! Build a giant ark, sacrifice a son, part the Red Sea… I mean, really, how crazy does adoption sound after that???
Thank God for His reminders! And, thank God for my beautiful little girl, who reminds me every single day that the risk is worth it! If we hadn’t taken a risk a second time, stepping into the world of adoption, we wouldn’t have beautiful Abby, who lights up our lives. We are so excited to see the next child that God brings to our family, as we take another risk!
I ask for your prayers for wisdom and insight for us (and other adoptive parents) and for any expectant parents. Pray that God will give us wisdom, but will also clearly tell us when to walk out in faith. Please pray for guarded hearts, but also for hearts submitted to God’s will, and hearts that are willing to LOVE unconditionally and give of ourselves. Pray that God will be the one protecting our hearts, not us. I am so grateful that we have so many of you walking this journey with us!