Handing Over the Reins

I am, admittedly, a bit of a Type-A, control freak!  I don’t like surprises if I know that they are coming (but don’t know what is coming).  My husband learned this the hard way as he was planning our proposal.  He kept telling me he had a surprise planned and that he was working on it.  He thought the anticipation would get me excited.  Quite the opposite happened.  I was a WRECK, thinking he might be proposing, but worrying that if he wasn’t proposing, I would be disappointed, when he had just put so much effort into surprising me with something else.  For a month, my poor family members and college roommates had to listen to me fret (and yes, cry) over this.

Well, adoption is NOT for the control freak.  Or, maybe it is…maybe it is God’s way of teaching the control freak, like me, to trust Him and hand over the reins to our lives.  I can tell you, though, this lesson does not come easily for those of us who like to take the reins in our hands and make something happen.  You would think, having been down this road once before that I would have learned my lesson and would be content to wait on the Lord and his perfect timing.

I do believe with my whole heart that God’s timing is perfect and I wouldn’t want any child, except the one He has for us, yet I still find myself obsessively trying to find our next baby and raise the necessary funds.  I search for adoption situations online through different agencies multiple times a day, then I focus on raising the rest of our money, then I read adoption books about successful adoption stories.  Obsessed? I’d say yes!  You probably think I am crazy right now, but I’m just being honest and I can honestly say that my experience does not seem to be unique.  Many adoptive moms I have talked to become obsessed about their adoption journey, having a constant internal tug-of-war between making something happen on their own and trusting God!

Be still and know that I am God.  Psalm 46:10

I’ll admit, I haven’t “been still” much lately.   I have been so afraid I would miss an adoption situation, that I have been obsessively checking online for adoption situations.  I keep trying to make something happen on my own or wish it out of thin air.  Guess what?  I haven’t found a single situation.  Oh, the irony!  When I do step back for a second and remember who God is and everything He is done, I am reminded that if it is the situation for us, I won’t miss it!  I’m not saying that I need to stop looking or reaching out to adoption professionals or sharing our profile, but I am saying that I need to make sure that I am first sitting at the feet of my King and that I am trusting Him to work in His perfect time.  I should be making myself available without making something happen.  I don’t want it, if God didn’t make it happen!

I’m sharing this, because I am sure there are those of you, like me, who are control freaks who struggle in many areas of life with giving the reins to God.  If you’re like me, when nothing is happening and you are just supposed to wait and pray, you instead try to make something happen.  If that is you, in any area of your life, I ask you to join me in waiting first on Him.

Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord. ~Psalm 27:14

As I wait on Him, God reminds me of the story of Abram, Sarai, Hagar, and Ishmael.  You see, God promised Abraham a son of his flesh and blood (Gen 15:4)  and descendants as numerous as the stars (Gen 15:5).  Yet, year after year went by and Sarai still had not conceived, so Sarai tried to take matters into her own hands:

Genesis 16

Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian slave named Hagar; so she said to Abram, “The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my slave; perhaps I can build a family through her.”

Abram agreed to what Sarai said. So after Abram had been living in Canaan ten years, Sarai his wife took her Egyptian slave Hagar and gave her to her husband to be his wife. He slept with Hagar, and she conceived.

When she knew she was pregnant, she began to despise her mistress. Then Sarai said to Abram, “You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my slave in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me. May the Lord judge between you and me.”

“Your slave is in your hands,” Abram said. “Do with her whatever you think best.” Then Sarai mistreated Hagar; so she fled from her.

15 So Hagar bore Abram a son, and Abram gave the name Ishmael to the son she had borne. 16 Abram was eighty-six years old when Hagar bore him Ishmael.

Genesis 17

When Abram was ninety-nine years old, the Lord appeared to him and said, “I am God Almighty[a]; walk before me faithfully and be blameless. Then I will make my covenant between me and you and will greatly increase your numbers.”

15 God also said to Abraham, “As for Sarai your wife, you are no longer to call her Sarai; her name will be Sarah. 16 I will bless her and will surely give you a son by her. I will bless her so that she will be the mother of nations; kings of peoples will come from her.”

17 Abraham fell facedown; he laughed and said to himself, “Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? Will Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?” 18 And Abraham said to God, “If only Ishmael might live under your blessing!”

19 Then God said, “Yes, but your wife Sarah will bear you a son, and you will call him Isaac.[d] I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his descendants after him. 20 And as for Ishmael, I have heard you: I will surely bless him; I will make him fruitful and will greatly increase his numbers. He will be the father of twelve rulers, and I will make him into a great nation. 21 But my covenant I will establish with Isaac, whom Sarah will bear to you by this time next year.” 22 When he had finished speaking with Abraham, God went up from him.

Genesis 18

“Where is your wife Sarah?” the three visitors asked him.

“There, in the tent,” he said.

10 Then one of them said, “I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son.”

Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. 11 Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. 12 So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?”

13 Then the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child, now that I am old?’ 14 Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son.”

15 Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, “I did not laugh.”

But he said, “Yes, you did laugh.”

Genesis 21

2 Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him.

Abram had received a promise from God, yet when it didn’t appear as if God was fulfilling it, he and Sarai took action and tried to make the promise happen on their own.  This caused a wedge in their home and a host of unnecessary drama.  It took God over 15 years after Ishmael was born for Sarah to give birth to Isaac.  Their waiting was long, but God was faithful and fulfilled His promise.  I bet that it was worth the wait and I bet not a day went by that Sarai didn’t wish she hadn’t interfered.  Let’s not be like Abraham and Sarah, who couldn’t wait on God’s perfect timing and instead took the reins and created drama.  Instead, let’s spend our time seeking Him and trusting that if God promises, He will deliver.  There is nothing more powerful we can do in this time than to pray and turn to Him.  I promise His plans are better than anything you could make happen.  If you wait on Him, you will avoid unnecessary heartache, stress, and drama, and, most importantly, your relationship with Him will grow in untold ways.  Will you join me in waiting on our King?

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5 thoughts on “Handing Over the Reins

  1. Pingback: Waiting, in Faith, on the Lord | Inspirational Matters

  2. Hello! I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog and learning all about your experience with adoption. My husband and I hope to have our home study complete by the end of this month and on the list to adopt soon after. I noticed in a previous post (and in this one) you talk about designated adoptions and looking for a potential adoption situation. I’m just curious as to how you go about doing this. We are working with an agency but if a situation presents itself it would be wonderful since I know it is much less expensive in a designated adoption. I realize this post is all about handing over the reins to our Lord…but I just thought I’d ask 🙂

    BTW cute blog theme 🙂 (it’s the same as mine!)

    God bless!

    • Hi! Finding a private match or designated adoption (terminology depends on your state) is quite the process. It can involve listing your profile on online sites, advertising in penny savers or newspapers, putting adoption cards (little business cards pointing to a website) everywhere you go, and telling everyone you know that you are hoping to adopt. Honestly, we are not being as proactive as we could be, because putting yourself out there can mean weeding out a lot of potential scammers, which is something I didn’t have a peace about! However, telling our network has led to quite a few leads and possibilities! A great book to help you in self-networking is “Secrets to Your Successful Domestic Adoption.” There is also a great facebook page called “Adoption Situations Private Group,” that is a group of AP’s that share tips and situations that are not a fit for them. Hope this helps! Congrats on beginning an amazing journey!

      God Bless!

      • Thanks for getting back to me so quickly! Wow, there is a lot that goes into a private match/designated adoption. I don’t think I feel comfortable having to weed out potential scammers, especially after speaking to some friends who have adopted and said it is just not worth it. Thank you for the book recommendation and Facebook page. I will definitely look into them both. I hope 2014 brings you many blessings and hopefully a new little one in your home! 🙂

        Katie Murray beingmrsmurray.wordpress.com 703.869.9801

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