As Abby-girl approaches her second birthday, I’ve found myself thinking a lot about those days before her birth and in the hospital, as well as the events that have transpired in the last two years. Mainly, I think about what open adoption has meant for our lives.
As most of you know, we have a VERY open adoption. In fact, we recently spent Christmas day with Abby’s birth mom and her family and they will be joining us for our Abby’s second birthday party this weekend. They have become like a second family to us and I thank God for them every day.
One of the most common questions or comments that I receive when people hear about our open adoption is, “how do you share Abby that much – don’t you get insecure or jealous?” I would be lying if I said that I have never once felt insecure, but through adoption, God has taught me an amazing lesson that I think every parent needs to learn – our kids aren’t ours, they are His! This means that I need to turn to Him with every situation in their lives. It’s not about how I feel, it is about what He says is best for their lives and is about the plan that He has for them!
Early on in this journey, we knew God was calling us to open adoption and we committed to open adoption, as long as it was healthy for Abby. We agreed to turn to God with how open the adoption should be and quickly had an open door policy with Natasha (Abby’s birth mom). There were times when I had small twinges of jealousy seeing Abby’s relationship with Natasha, but I knew that was my fleshly reaction and was quickly reminded that it is a good thing for them to have a special bond! Now, I praise God that they can know each other and that Abby will always have Natasha in her life. It is such a blessing that she can know and love her birth mom, that her questions can be answered, and that she has more people loving her and pointing her to Christ. I also praise God that I can delight in their relationship and that He has made me secure in my role as Abby’s mom, so that I am not insecure when she has a relationship with someone else.
There were also situations early on where people were not supportive of the adoption plan, but later wanted to see and know Abby. I was incredibly protective of Natasha and Abby and in my flesh, I didn’t want to share them or our story with people who hadn’t initially been supportive. I was afraid of what would be said and how that could impact those I love. I continued to turn to God and ask Him what His will was and He told me that I needed to open up and not withhold relationships because of things done in the past. He reminded me that our adoption story is His to share, not ours. It was hard for me and stretched me, but again, I thank God that He is all-knowing, because every one of those relationships has ended up being such a blessing in our lives and Abby’s.
I am sure in years to come I will have many opportunities to live this out in other areas of life and will be challenged again and again to trust God with our kids. You see, our kiddos aren’t ours – they have just been entrusted to us for a season by our all-knowing God, a God who is and does immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine. Eph 3:20 Seek him for your children and I bet you’ll be blessed in the process! IF nothing else, He’ll grow you and stretch you to be more like Him!